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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I decided to take a break. I hit up the warung on Jl. Raya Purwokerto. You know, the one with the best nasi goreng? I ordered a plate, and while I was waiting, I saw this street performer. He was juggling and doing flips, and I was like, “Dude, I can barely walk straight!” But he was killing it, and the crowd was loving it. I was laughing so hard, I almost dropped my food!

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